One of major difficulties of growing up I've found is trying to find out who you are or what makes you an individual I am at that stage in my life and I must say that this stage has been the hardest since I had to leave home and go to pre school I have gone through so many difeerent me's its crazy for instance last year I hated the world and myself and blamed everybody for every little thing so I classified myself as an emo I wore all black cut my hair to have emo bangs painted my nails black sat in a corner in the library at lunchtime deserted all my friends and even went so far as to change my middle name on facebook to "Xperimentalemo" the emo thing did not work out because during basketball season i was higher on social ladder than during football season because i'm in band and i really had to get into basketball player mode....another me was freshman year where I tried to be reeally cool with all the ghetto people and let them cheat off of my homework just so i could have assurance that none of them would try to beat my ass once again i got into the role by buying air force ones and gettin micros with all different colors and I even took a few trips to the gateway to up my street cred that image did not work out either because i have a very strong white girl accent and I was not failing any classes and boasting about it right now i would say i'm goin through a "pop phase" just because i hang around a bunch of people i barely spoke to years before and did not really like but they just so happen to be the more popular people in our grade so how ironic right anyway so i have this new group of friends and two years ago i probably would have laughed my ass off if some one told me that I was going to be apart of the "Baldwin Hills" kids (thats what we call ourselves) but suprisingly they are not as bad as i thought they were sure we barely have anything in common and the hidden truth is that we all are not really as tight as we look we just look like that because we all have an image to uphold

My family on my mother's side is full of pranksters and people who love to party we are always the ones at the family reunions and weddings tht crack jokes and never are quiet and somehow always make something good out something bad I can remember one time after a funeral everyone was all sad so my grandma and my aunts and uncles bought a big thing of crab legs and some meat and we had a party at my grandma's house...but of course we have the stereotypical roles in our family for example My auntie Marsha is te drunk, my auntie Felecia is the smart ass and is orever talking about her degree and how she went to howard, My cousin Victor is the stray that we se very other christmas,My cousin Stelphanie is a lesbian and her mom is the most christian woman I know.....with all these chracters there is always some kind of chaos happening in my family for instance in September my family had our first family reunion in a while of course everybody was happy to see each other but on the bad side since the family had not had a reunion in a while because it just so happens that verytime we get together there is a fight uut thankfully this time there were no fights but my auntie got drunk and my sousin Step brought her girlfriend ahd she looked like a stripper sp everybody was caught up with talk about the two of them.....My favorite member of my amily would have to be my cousin Tray eer since i was little i wanted to be like him he always has the coolest clothes an he's funny and everybody loves him he can be kind of an asshole sometims but thats just cause he is tthe shit and as i get older i can see myself started to be almost exactly like him now i have to deal with trying to figre out who i am and distinguishing myself from him thts gona be

When I think of the whole fate and freewill thing i go back to my deep rooted Christian mentality I believe that God knows how your life will be planned out and i guess that is fate but on the other hand I tend to associate fate with atheism.....anywho I guess I would have to make a paradoxical statement and say that I believe in fate but I don't believe in fate What about freewill? freewill is out of the question simply basing that on what I said earlier about God's predestiny for our lives I guess believe that because I have been raised to believe in God and to question him would be a sin I'm guessing thats why i don't agree with free will .....I guess it is my fate to be this way.....but of course i have questioned god i believe everyone does plus I've always been one to test the waters and see if stuff really IS what everyone else says it is with God I just kept sinning and sinning until i realized that all that stuff was coming back on me ten fold I finally stop this "god test" when I realized that my sinning was doing no kind of long term good it actually always left me feeling even worse than before of course i still sin but not as much actually quite less.....